I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
