please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
