there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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