Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I will die if light touches me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
