I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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