I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
