can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
