I think I won the penis lottery.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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