don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
