My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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