just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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