I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
