I need help removing her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.