just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!