cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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