It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"