people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo