I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"