dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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