you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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