dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
