$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
