Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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