The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
