I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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