Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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