My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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