Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
