she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize