Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
