Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
