i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize