Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
