Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
