I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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