I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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