I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
