I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
