I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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