I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A+ Viking dick
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
