I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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