did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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