I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to make out with him forever
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
