My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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