At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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