My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
