Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
