So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
