as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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