Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
