Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
