Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
