She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
