At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
