She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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