Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
