found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come back. Shots need mouths.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
