When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
