i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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