covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
