The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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